Moving Forward
Losing Dexter was traumatic and after any big life event you need time to readjust yourself. First there was sadness, just walking around in a fog of ‘is this real’. Then anger started to overlap that and then I would say envy or maybe longing. I walk past other dogs and their owners and I secretly want to bend down and hug that dog and feel the licks on my face and run my fingers through their fur. Of course, I don’t DO it but it is a movie that plays in my head.
I find myself in all the phases at different times. Like right now typing this, I am crying. Tonight I will be happy that I don’t need to walk a dog at -7celcius. He is always with me, with us, as a family, I know we all think about him all the time. Any given day, Max (my middle child) will text, send me a pick of Dex at Halloween.
While bikepacking in New Zealand, there is a lot of time to contemplate while pedaling. It is a magical way to solve lifes problems. Meandering through ideas and feelings can conjure up sometimes obvious, or unusual solutions all while coasting along serene landscapes. One solution that came to mind was to change my surroundings, clean up my grateful tiny room, freshen it up. With all the Vitamin D infusion from the trip I came back with loads of energy and positivity and I did just that. I removed an unused closet and installed wall shelving. Sorted supplies and realized I have a lot of art. What good does it do to sit in a drawer? Time to re-open Etsy.
I also came across this opportunity to have a studio space outside the apartment. It is in a place that I feel comfortable, a beautiful old home with painters in the attic and ceramacists in the basement and business offices in between. Only a 30 minute walk across the island, it is a great place for me to meet other artists and have a quiet place to let ideas flow.
So far I really feel like I am moving forward and it feels okay!
